woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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