don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
