And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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