The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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