Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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