I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
