So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
