I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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