You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
