white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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