if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
