i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
