i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
