Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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