Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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