This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he shaved USA in his pubs
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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