You're completely useless in the revolution.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize