Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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