shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I stole a fireplace last night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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