I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
