At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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