im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
we made out on top of his cat.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize