When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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