the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize