My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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