'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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