There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
