Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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