So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
