Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
