I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
What drink are we having for lunch?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
