Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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