I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
