Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
