We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
