There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
