I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Ladies don't puke and tell
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize