Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
