She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
