Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
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