He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
