I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
