They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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