I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
