Sober January is a disaster.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The struggles of a small town man whore
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
