He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
