The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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