Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
