My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
