just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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