i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize