We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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