Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize