you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
