508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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