For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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