Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize