I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize