In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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