So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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