oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
