so explain again why im purple
no
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
