he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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