I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
