i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
