Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
