She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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