My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize