put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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