I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Randomize
