life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
